wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
