You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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