my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
