i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Two words: blizzard sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
