Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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