Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
