You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
