Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize