I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
