would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
