You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
