This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
