Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I still have a little drunk in my system
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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