As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
