dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
