just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
