there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
