So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
