I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
