Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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