Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
