her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
