Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
