Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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