I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
