Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
