I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
