he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
