why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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