sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
