Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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