smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My hand turned me down
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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