I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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