i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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