We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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