well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
