Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
