Tell her she can't have a vagina
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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