dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
