Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
