Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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