My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
