my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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