I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
