my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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