haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
