I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
