dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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