Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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