Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
