What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My bed smells like the plague
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