He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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