sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
