i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
