she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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