This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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