You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
