the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
