I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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