I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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