I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
