I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
