none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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