it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
