i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize