it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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