you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
