did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
