The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
