if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
