well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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