i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
