my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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