sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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