And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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