make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
