im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize