she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
