This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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