sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
