Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
