lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
