I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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