Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
