so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
