How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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