i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
