His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
