dude i'm inner monologue high
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
