girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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