i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
