you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize