weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize