I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
