There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
