My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
