miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
