I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
