In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
