I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We need to rekindle our bromance
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
