Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
